Sleep Deprivation: The Dark Side of Parenting

Sleep deprivation is an inevitable part of having a baby, and surely that’s been true throughout the history of our species. But we also live in a culture that seems to take some amount of pride in getting by on little sleep. We think of sleep as time wasted, as lost productivity. We forget – or ignore – the biological necessity of sleep.

Becoming a parent only further stretches our already-too-thin sleep allotments. Newborn babies wake frequently to feed or for comfort during the night. We try to “sleep when the baby sleeps” and piece it together to come up with a reasonable amount, but it often doesn’t feel sufficient. And now more than ever, new parents are really isolated as they make this transition; they don’t have much in the way of backup resources to help with the 24/7 job of caring for a baby.

This month, the theme of our Carnival of Evidence-Based Parenting is Transition to Parenthood. (See the bottom of this post for links to other Carnival posts and here for summaries of them all.) Sleep deprivation is a universal part of that transition. What does the sleep deprivation of early parenthood really look like? How does it affect us? And what can we do to mitigate it?

Just How Bad Is It?

For many moms, sleep debt actually begins in pregnancy, when sleep needs may increase but discomfort and frequent trips to the bathroom interfere with a full night’s sleep. But by far, the biggest change happens in the immediate postpartum period. One study found that in the first week of the baby’s life (compared with late pregnancy), moms got 1.5 hours less sleep, fragmented into three times more sleep episodes per day. The early postpartum period is also characterized by lots of day-to-day variability in sleep. Sleeping with a new baby means unpredictability, with little to no control over whether tonight will be a good night or a bad one.

Mothers usually get the majority of our sympathy when it comes to postpartum sleep deprivation, but the research shows that fathers’ sleep takes a hit, too. A study of 72 San Francisco couples welcoming their first baby compared sleep in the last month of pregnancy to sleep in the first month postpartum (around 20 days of life).  Across this time span, mothers lost an average of 41 minutes of nighttime sleep, while dads lost just 18 minutes. Moms, however, gained 30 minutes per day in daytime napping; dads didn’t get a nap bump at all. In fact, in this study, dads actually slept less than moms – both in late pregnancy and in the postpartum period. Moms still had it harder; they were waking more during the night and had more sleep fragmentation than dads (and it’s quite possible that moms need more sleep, what with recovery from childbirth and the demands of breastfeeding). But regardless, in this and other studies, moms and dads both reported a similar level of fatigue during the day.

There’s some good news to come out of this research, however. It seems that experienced moms are better at handling sleep in the postpartum period. Despite juggling more responsibility at home, studies show that moms who had given birth at least once before tended to get more sleep at all stages of pregnancy and in the postpartum period. Their sleep was also more efficient, meaning that of the time they spend in bed, they spend most of it sleeping rather than tossing and turning – or laying awake listening to the grunts and sighs of new baby sleep. Somehow, experienced moms seem to prioritize sleep more, or they’re just so tired that they crash hard at every opportunity.

How does sleep deprivation affect new parents?

We know a lot about the effects of sleep deprivation but actually very little about the specific type of crap sleep experienced by new parents. Most sleep deprivation studies have been conducted in residential labs, where participants (often young, probably resilient, undergrads) are generally paid to live for a few nights or maybe weeks so that their sleep habits can be controlled and monitored. In a review paper entitled “Sleep Disruption and Decline in Marital Satisfaction Across the Transition to Parenthood,” Gonzaga professor Anna Marie Medina and colleagues make an important point: Lab study participants know that they’ll be subjected to sleep deprivation for a finite amount of time, and they know they can even drop out if it becomes too much for them.

“Understanding that one can end a study, and being certain of the temporal parameters of potential sleep deprivation, imbues the experience of sleep loss with a level of controllability that new parents seldom have. That is, (most) new parents realize they cannot opt out of the sleep disruption experience, and they have no certainty about when they may have an opportunity for sufficient sleep. The stress literature has suggested that such uncontrollability could amplify the mood and physiological consequences of sleep deprivation.”

In other words, most of what we know about the effects of lost sleep may be even worse in new parents. On that happy note, there are a few major areas of concern…

Sleep deprivation impacts mood.

Medical residents are notorious for being sleep-deprived, and their situations may be similar to new parents in that their sleep is chronically restricted and fragmented. Studies on medical residents show that sleep loss is associated with more intense negative emotions and hostility. One study found that interns who became chronically sleep-deprived over the course of their first year of training had seven times the odds of becoming moderately depressed, compared to those managing to get enough sleep. Reading these studies, all I could feel was sympathy for my friends who juggled residency and new parenthood at the same time.

Specific to new moms, many studies show that moms whose babies have sleep problems are at greater risk for postpartum depression. In studies that have given parents advice in managing their baby’s sleep, resulting in improved sleep for the baby, maternal mood improves as well.

Sleep deprivation impacts cognitive function.

Sleep deprivation decreases a range of cognitive abilities, and I’m not just talking about SAT scores. For example, reaction time and alertness are essential for safe driving. Working memory is the ability to juggle multiple tasks, and well, that’s what parents do. Cognitive flexibility is what allows you to see a situation from more than one point of view (a skill vital to both parenting a toddler and maintaining a healthy marriage) or to quickly switch tasks, maybe from trying to fire off a work email to the more urgent demands of a toddler who has to go potty NOW. Verbal fluency is the ability to find the right word at the right time – to communicate effectively. We use all of these skills throughout our daily lives. They allow us to work towards goals (even mundane ones like getting out the door or getting dinner on the table), solve problems, and regulate emotions. And guess what? All of these cognitive skills are impaired by sleep deprivation.

To put this into perspective, one study found that two weeks of six hours of sleep per night caused declines in many cognitive measures – similar to those found after a full 24-48 hours of sleep deprivation. Perhaps more concerning is that the six-hour sleepers had no idea how impaired they were; they rated their sleepiness as only mild, but their test performance showed otherwise. Another study found that cognitive performance of people who had been awake for 18-19 hours was comparable to those with blood alcohol content (BAC) of 0.10 (the legal limit for driving in most U.S. states is 0.08). It is estimated that 15-33% of fatal car crashes are related to driver fatigue.

What can you do to improve your sleep situation?

I know that you know that sleep deprivation sucks, and I don’t mean for this post to be a downer. Is there anything we can we do to make things better? I can’t claim to have answers, but I’ll offer some suggestions:

Cut yourself some slack. This parenting job is hard enough as it is. Doing it on little sleep everyday? It’s a hurculean task, and yet we do it. Sometimes we need to just focus on the basics and have popcorn for dinner.

Prioritize sleep. It’s so critical to our health and happiness. The dishes in the sink? They aren’t nearly as important.

Give yourself a bedtime. We know our kids don’t function well if they’re short on sleep. We don’t either – we’re just a little better at hiding it.

Get help. This is particularly critical for parents of newborns. It may require creative delegation of tasks to friends and family so that you can squeeze in a longer nap or an earlier bedtime. They’re happy to help, and you need it. We were never meant to parent alone.

Help your baby develop healthy sleep patterns. Check out my tips for newborn sleep here. And if your older baby is struggling with sleep (and by extension, you are too), know that it is not selfish to make changes that help everyone get the rest they need (more on that here).

Avoid screen time before bed. It gets in the way of melatonin release, confusing the biological clock trying to keep time in our brains and prepare us for sleep. Yes, your Facebook feed may be your lifeline to the world, but it could also be keeping you up at night.

Be aware of your sleep debt. I think that after a while, we forget how much sleep we’re missing. Six hours a night and chronic daytime yawns become our new normal. But knowing that we’re behind on sleep, combined with the knowledge of the profound effects of sleep debt on mood and cognition, can give us valuable perspective. Maybe, for example, your partner is being just a little bit of an ass instead of the complete asshole that you perceive. Maybe catching up on sleep will help the day’s problems seem a little more manageable.

And now, a confession: All of these tips I just gave you? I’m not very good at them. I hate leaving dishes in the sink, and I’m not good at asking for help. I stay up too late – usually in front of my computer. I don’t get enough sleep, and it isn’t even my daughter’s fault. She sleeps for 11 hours at night. Why can’t I manage to sleep for 8 of those? What am I staying up for? It’s that treasured ME time. These days, most of it is actually spent working, but that doesn’t make it easier for me to give any of it up. This research, though, has convinced me that sleep deprivation is probably putting a damper on my productivity, and maybe my parenting patience.

So, I’m taking a pledge: For the rest of the month of May, in honor of Mothers’ Day, I’m giving myself at least 7 hours of sleep each night. I’m making it a priority. I’m informing my husband that no, I will not watch one more episode of Breaking Bad with him, unless it is before 10 PM. And I’m turning off my computer and phone by that time, too. It’s a personal experiment and a gift to myself. Happy Mother’s Day, Me!

Do you get enough sleep? If so, how do you do it? If not, what’s standing in your way?

Check out the other posts in this second edition of the Carnival of Evidence-Based Parenting:

The Transition to New Motherhood (Momma, PhD)

Bonding in Early Motherhood:  When Angels Don’t Sing and the Earth Doesn’t Stand Still (Red Wine and Applesauce)

The Connection Between Poor Labour, Analgesia, and PTSD (The Adequate Mother)

For Love or Money:  What Makes Men Ready for New Fatherhood (Matt Shipman)

What the Science Says (and Doesn’t Say) About Breastfeeding Issues, Postpartum Adjustment, and Bonding (Fearless Formula Feeder)

No, Swaddling  Will Not Kill Your Baby (Melinda Wenner Moyer,  Slate)

Sleep Deprivation:  The Dark Side of Parenting (Science of Mom)

The Parenting Media and You (Momma Data)

Reassessing Happiness Research:  Are New Parents Really That Miserable? (Jessica Smock)

40 Long Days and Nights (Six Forty Nine)

You can also “like” the Carnival of Evidence-Based Parenting on Facebook. Check out our Facebook page, and connect with all of us there! And finally, we’ll be hosting a Twitter party (I’m @scienceofmom) Friday 1-2 PM EST to discuss new parenthood and our posts (#parentscience). Please join us!

Breastfeeding a Toddler? Should You Be Concerned About Iron Deficiency?

You may have heard about a study published in Pediatrics last week (Maguire et al. 2013) showing an association between iron deficiency and breastfeeding beyond a year. If you’re breastfeeding a toddler, or considering it, you might be wondering if you should be worried about iron deficiency. There is very little research on breastfeeding beyond a year in developed countries, so this study is worth a closer look. (If you’re interested, I’ve written before about some of that research, my own reasons for choosing to breastfeed beyond a year, and my experience of weaning my two-year-old.)

What This Study Shows

This was a cross-sectional study of children ages 1-6 in Toronto, Canada. Blood samples were taken from 1647 children, and their mothers were asked, “How long has your child been breastfed?” We always have to be cautious about studies based on parental recall. However, research shows that mothers actually answer this question with good accuracy (Li et al. 2005). Of the children in this study, 93% had been breastfed at all, and median breastfeeding duration was 10 months. Twenty-seven percent of children were breastfed for more than one year, and 4% breastfed for more than two years.

The children’s blood samples were analyzed for serum ferritin and hemoglobin. Serum ferritin reflects the amount of iron stores available for use by the body, so it can be used to assess iron deficiency. If an iron deficient child also had low hemoglobin, he was diagnosed as having iron deficiency anemia. In this study, the prevalence of iron deficiency was about 9%, and 1.5% had iron deficiency anemia, findings similar to other studies in developed countries (Baker et al. 2010, full text here).

This study showed that kids that were breastfed for longer were more likely to be iron-deficient. Each month of breastfeeding beyond baby’s first birthday increased the risk of iron deficiency by about 5%. Children who were breastfed for longer than a year were estimated to have 1.7 times the odds of being iron deficient than those breastfed for less than a year. The researchers corrected for several potentially confounding factors: age, gender, birth weight, BMI, ethnicity, household income, day-care attendance, age of introduction of solids and cow’s milk, and current daily intake of cow’s milk. Children with iron deficiency were also more likely to be heavier at birth (bigger babies have higher iron requirements), younger (meaning that older kids seemed to have recovered from iron deficiency), and to be drinking more cow’s milk (something I wrote about here). Breastfeeding duration was not associated with iron deficiency anemia, which would indicate a more severe deficiency.

An obvious limitation to this study was that the observed relationship between breastfeeding and iron deficiency was just a correlation. There are other factors that could come into play that weren’t examined, like timing of umbilical cord clamping and how much iron these kids were getting from their diets or supplements. For example, it’s possible that moms who breastfeed longer are less likely to give their toddlers a multivitamin or other iron supplement. It that case, it wouldn’t be the breastfeeding that increased the risk of iron deficiency, but rather something else about moms who choose to breastfeed beyond a year. This is a major limitation, but to be fair, almost every study that shows positive outcomes for breastfeeding has the same problem.

Why be concerned about iron deficiency?

Iron is a mineral essential to life in all animals. Most of the iron in the body is used to make hemoglobin and myoglobin, so iron is really critical for oxygen transport to all tissues of the body. Iron is also part of several enzymes involved in energy metabolism. Every cell in the body requires iron, but blood, brain, and muscle cells are the ones that really suffer if there isn’t enough iron around. A person with severe iron deficiency will develop iron deficiency anemia, one of several types of anemia.

Iron deficiency in the first years of life, even without anemia, has been associated with cognitive, motor, and behavioral deficits (Lozoff et al. 2006). There are a lot of confounding variables in these studies, because kids that are iron deficient are likely to have other disadvantages as well. However, there are mechanisms for a causal relationship established through animal research (McCann and Ames 2007). So there’s some controversy as to just how scared we should be about iron deficiency, but given that we’re talking about brain development of our kids and that iron deficiency can be corrected with dietary changes, I think we should pay attention to it.

The current study was the first to look at the relationship between breastfeeding and iron in toddlers. Many studies have shown that exclusively breastfed babies are at higher risk for iron deficiency during late infancy (reviewed by Baker et al. 2010, full text here). Human breast milk is low in iron, but babies are usually born with enough iron, passed from mom via the placenta, to last for about the first six months. Delayed cord clamping at birth can extend the iron stores by another month or two. If breastfed babies aren’t getting some good iron-rich solid foods by late infancy, they can become iron-deficient.

So should I be worried about my breastfed toddler?

Worried? I wouldn’t go that far. Instead, I’d say you should be alert to the possibility that your breastfed toddler could become iron deficient. The good news is that it isn’t that hard to prevent iron deficiency if you’re mindful about nutrition.

How can I ensure that my breastfeeding toddler is getting enough iron?

Why would a breastfed toddler be at greater risk for iron deficiency? The study at hand doesn’t tell us, but I’ll speculate for you. Breast milk doesn’t have much iron. Yes, the iron in breast milk is well-absorbed, but there is still very little there. That’s probably a good thing for an infant (more on that here), but it means that breast milk really can’t provide complete nutrition for a growing toddler. Toddlers need good iron-rich sources of solid foods in their diets.  If a toddler fills up on breast milk, then it may be challenging for him to get balanced nutrition.

So how can you make breast milk part of a balanced diet for a toddler?

  • Talk with a health care provider about your child’s risk for iron deficiency. Consider having him tested so that you know if you should be concerned. If he does test low for iron, then depending on the severity, your pediatrician might recommend a supplement or suggest trying to correct the problem through diet.
  • Include lots of iron-rich foods in your toddler’s diet, like meats, legumes, whole grains, green veggies, and dried fruits. Of course, toddlers can be picky, so this may be easier said than done. Know that it may take many low-pressure exposures for your kid to be ready to try new foods. Iron-fortified breakfast cereals are a good option for more skeptical eaters. You can find a list of iron-rich foods, as well as strategies for increasing iron absorption, in this post.
  • Cow’s milk inhibits iron absorption. If your toddler is breastfeeding AND drinking cow’s milk, consider limiting cow’s milk to just one or two cups per day (or even none at all). Of course, without cow’s milk, you’re losing a good source of vitamin D (also low in breast milk), so you may want to consider a vitamin D supplement.
  • Evaluate if breastfeeding is getting in the way of your toddler eating well at meals. This might be an issue if you’re breastfeeding on demand throughout the day. Toddlers do better with eating if they have structure around their meals and snacks. To you and your toddler, breast milk is probably much more than a food. It is comfort, closeness, and a moment of quiet together. But, it is also calories, and there’s no getting around that. Toddlers who snack on breast milk throughout the day might not come to the table hungry and be ready to eat a variety of foods with the rest of the family. If that seems like it might be an issue for your child, consider fitting breastfeeding into times of day when it is unlikely to interfere with eating, such as before nap and bedtime.

If you’re breastfeeding beyond a year, what do you do to balance breast milk and foods in your toddler’s diet?

Mixed-Age Preschool: Benefits and Challenges

My daughter, Cee, is almost two-and-a-half. Five mornings per week, she is cared for by an in-home childcare provider I’ll call Amanda. On a given day, Amanda and an assistant care for between four and eight kids ranging in age from one to six years old. The one-year-olds are just starting to walk. The six-year-old, who also attends half-day kindergarten, can read and write.

One of the reasons why we chose Amanda’s for childcare is that it allows Cee to interact with kids of different ages. When I first visited Amanda’s, the problem-solving and conflict resolution that I observed among the older kids impressed me. It was refreshing to watch, particularly after visiting chaotic childcare centers with rooms of as many as 10 two-year-olds. I imagined that Cee would learn so much from observing and playing with these more mature children.

When Cee began daycare last fall, we watched as two older girls took her under their wing, reading her stories and including her in their pretend play. Suddenly Cee was acting out complex stories at home, too, as she became aware that her imagination could make all kinds of fun. She was making us coffee, asking if we wanted it hot or cold, with milk or sugar. She was hushing us because her baby doll was sleeping. And she could not stop talking about her friend, the kindergartener, who rode on a real, honest-to-goodness school bus. We also watched, proudly, when she stuck up for herself and brushed off older kids if their play was too intense for her. She seemed to make a huge developmental leap within a couple of weeks of starting childcare.

Delivering Valentines to her friends

Delivering Valentines to her friends

I’ve also noticed that the friend that Cee talks about the most at home, and the one that she hugs the longest when she says goodbye, is a little girl just 2 weeks younger than her. I’ve witnessed them engaged in complex, interactive play together, where neither is the obvious leader or follower. And while I think Cee is doing great in her mixed-age childcare setting, I wonder if I’ll feel differently about this as she gets older. We could keep her at Amanda’s through kindergarten, but when she’s four or five, will hanging out with toddlers be a bore? Should we consider moving Cee to a preschool where she’ll be surrounded by kids her own age? Is mixed-age grouping helpful for preschoolers, or does it slow them down?

Child development experts have debated the merits of mixed- vs. single-age classrooms since the 1930s. Soviet psychologist Lev Vygotsky was an early proponent of mixed-age learning. He thought that the best way for children to learn was through interaction with older, more competent children who could set good examples for cognition and behavior. According to Vygotsky, hanging out with older children pushes younger ones to learn more than they would be capable of learning on their own. In contrast, Jean Piaget, well-known for his theory of cognitive development, believed that children learn best from peers close in age, well-matched in knowledge, skills, and power. With their peers, children can learn to solve problems organically and to practice playing a variety of roles in solving them, rather than always being guided in how to fix things by an older, more experienced child.

Decades of research haven’t been able to clarify whether mixed-age or single-age classrooms make for better preschool environments. Some studies point to benefits of mixed-age grouping, similar to my own observations. Toddlers who have a chance to play with slightly older kids seem to develop more complex language and types of play (Rothstein-Fisch and Howes 1988; Howes and Farver 1987). And in mixed-age classes, older children have opportunities to practice leadership skills and prosocial behaviors, like helping and sharing (Derscheid 1997; French et al. 1986).

Mixed-age classrooms might also have the benefit of muddying age-based comparisons and competition between children – a good thing, I think –  because there is likely to be a naturally wide range of skills and abilities within the class. As a parent, it is hard to fret that your child is behind the curve if there is no real curve. And teachers might be more likely to work with children where they are, focusing on their individual interests and skills rather than expecting the entire class to move linearly through milestones and achievements. Plus, mixed-age classes make it logistically easier to keep the same teacher with a group of kids for several years, maybe decreasing the stress of abrupt classroom and teacher changes for young kids (Whaley and Kaplan 1992).

However, there is also a fair amount of research pointing to problems with mixed-ages, the main concern being that mixed-age classrooms don’t challenge older children enough. For example, one study found that older children in a mixed-age setting were more likely to be hanging out solo, detaching themselves from the rest of the group, than if they were in a class of closer peers (Urberg and Kaplan 1986). Another found that older children were less likely to take part in teacher-led activities in mixed-age groups, probably because it is challenging for teachers to plan activities that are appropriate for a broad range in ages (Goldman 1981).

We’re starting to see a pattern emerging here, right? Mixed-age classrooms seem to generally work well for the younger kids in the group, but the older kids might be missing out. A 2002 study headed by Adam Winsler of George Mason University illustrated exactly this pattern in a university-affiliated child development center with morning-only care and a child-centered, play-based philosophy. This study was unique in that it took advantage of the center’s switch from single-age to combined 3- and 4-year-old classrooms, tracking children’s behavioral and cognitive development during the years before and after the switch. Research assistants carefully observed the minute-to-minute activities of the children. Were they engaged in a focused, goal-directed activity? How long was their attention focused on that activity? Were they working alone, with another child (close or distant in age), or with a teacher? A limitation of this design (and most studies like it) is that it can’t be blinded, so it’s possible that the researchers were just seeing what they wanted to see. However, that specific checklist of observations decreases the chances of this being a problem.

How did the children’s behavior differ between single-age and mixed-age classrooms in Winsler’s study? When kids were in single-age classrooms, the 4-year-olds were more “on-task” and had longer attention spans for a given activity. They also spent more time with their peers and less time with their teachers compared to the 3-year-olds. But when those two age groups were combined into one room, the age differences essentially disappeared. The 3-year-olds started acting more like 4-year-olds, and the 4-year-olds started acting more like 3-year-olds. For example, in single-age classes, the 3- and 4-year-olds were working on goal-directed activities 63% and 85% of the time, respectively. When they were thrown into a room together, those numbers shifted to 71% for the 3-year-olds and 70% for the 4-year-olds.

Reading this study got me thinking about the challenges of figuring out what exactly to measure if we’re trying to quantify effectiveness of a preschool program. This isn’t my field at all, so these study methods were new to me. (And, to be fair, the Winsler study is more than a decade old, and the research methods of the field have no doubt changed since then.)

For example, what exactly does it mean for a 3-year-old to be “goal-directed”? Here’s how the Winsler paper described it:

“Goal-directed activity was defined as behavior by the child, which appeared focused, organized, and had an identifiable goal or end point to the activity… Examples of goal-directed activity… included building a structure out of Legos or some other assembly/construction materials, doing a puzzle, playing a game with rules, or engaging in an organized make-believe episode of ‘house.’ Nonexplicitly goal-directed behavior in this context included, for example, aimless wandering around the classroom, looking on into another group’s activity, repeatedly spinning a puzzle piece around one’s finger for the apparent ‘fun of it,’ and making a transition between one activity and another.”

I get that we like to see kids focused on a project or game. Learning is more obvious in this context. But I wouldn’t disregard daydreaming as unproductive activity; science is revealing that daydreaming is actually an indicator of a busy and active brain. And who’s to say that a child isn’t learning a great deal from observing other kids? Or that repeatedly spinning a puzzle piece around one’s finger isn’t the beginning of a passion for physics? Maybe being an older kid in a mixed-age group means spending less time on “school-readiness” activities and more time playing alone and developing empathy and leadership, but how much does each of these contribute to how your kid will ultimately get along in the world? How much do we really know about how kids should and shouldn’t be spending their time?

To their credit, Winsler et al. make this exact point:

“The finding that 3-year-old children in MA [mixed-age] groupings are stretched a bit behaviorally while this is not the case for the 4-year-olds would appear to give some support to the fears reported by parents who typically prefer their child to be the younger child in MA settings (Lloyd, 1999). However, it is important to point out that these data (nor the data from any other studies for that matter) do not imply that MA classrooms are bad for the older children in such classrooms. First of all, it is not clear that the outcome variables in the present study on which the age-by-age-composition interaction effects were observed (sustained activity, goal-directed activity, time spent with peers and a teacher) are predictive of child competence and later positive outcomes. Secondly, there could easily be other advantages to MA grouping for the older children (like the diversity of social experience afforded by increased gender and age desegregation or other social climate variables not explored in the present study) that balance or outweigh these findings.”

In other words, it is difficult for science to capture all the factors that might impact your child’s experience in preschool. Of the factors that we can capture, we’re not even sure how important they really are. Labeling one type of classroom as “better” and another as “worse” is bound to be a gross oversimplification. What the research does show is that the age composition of a classroom impacts how children spend their time, for better or for worse.

This research, with all its limitations, can be useful for informing education policy. For example, more 3-year-olds are now entering Head Start programs. Should Head Start classrooms mix 3- and 4-year-olds together, or should they keep them separate? If they’re mixed, then the research in this field can help highlight important aspects of teacher training, such as strategies for ensuring that children of all ages and abilities are engaged and challenged in their work. A couple of recent studies have looked specifically at the Head Start question, and again, found mixed results (Moller et al. 2008; Bell et al. 2013). There’s a lot more to learn about age composition in preschool classrooms.

Clearly "goal-directed": Collecting eggs at Amanda's

Clearly “goal-directed”: Collecting eggs at Amanda’s

I don’t know whether we’ll move Cee to a more traditional preschool before kindergarten. But I like knowing about this research, because it will keep me thinking as I watch her grow up among her dear friends. I’ll be watching to see if she seems bored or disengaged from the group. But there are other factors that will play into our decision, like the stress of moving to a new school and her attachment to Amanda. For Cee, my priorities are that she be in a place where she is happy and feels safe, has lots of opportunities to play solo or with other kids, and that she grows her confidence in social situations. And to be honest, I’m glad she’s in a place where daydreaming isn’t discouraged.

To the Little Girl Who is Afraid of the Ocean

Cee in HI

A relatively relaxed moment in a calm, protected bay. She didn’t get much closer than this to the water’s edge.

We just got back from a week in Hawaii. It was a great trip and may become a February tradition now that we’re residents of the great and rainy state of Oregon. It was brilliant to escape the lingering wet winter, soak up a little sunshine, and relax together with some of our best friends.

We stayed just a couple of blocks from the beach and went there daily. I had pictured Cee playing in the sand and splashing in the waves. But the minute we stepped foot on the beach, Cee clung to my neck and did not want to be set down. It was yet another lesson in setting aside expectations and meeting my child where she was. And at this point in her life, she isn’t a fan of the beach.

Cee hasn’t spent much time at the beach in her short life, but this wasn’t her first time either. We visited Hawaii when she was 6 months old, and we’ve taken day trips to the Oregon coast a couple of times per year. But all of her previous experiences have been to rather wild coastlines, so she’s only dipped her toes in from the safety of our arms. I admit that we probably didn’t give her much choice about those early encounters. This was really the first time that she’s been able to verbally describe to us how the ocean makes her feel.

“I no like ocean.”

“Feel scared beach.”

“Go home, Mama?”

She’s terrified of the ocean.

And I can’t blame her. The ocean is huge. It’s unpredictable, powerful, and loud. It’s incomprehensible. To a two-year-old who wants to control her environment as much as possible, the ocean is frightening.

I tell her: It’s OK. I’m scared of the ocean, too. It’s OK to feel scared.

But let’s just put our toes in, I tell her. Let’s see how the water and the sand feel on our feet. She nods, though skeptically. I pick her up and we walk towards the surf. A wave approaches and breaks several feet out, and an inch or two of water and foam gently wash over my feet. She grabs me tighter and says directly into my ear, “All done, Mama! All done, Mama! All done, Mama!”

I respect that. I respect a little girl who can look me in the eye, head held high, and tell me she’s afraid. She says this even as children play around us, racing the waves breaking on the shore. I know that I can’t explain away Cee’s fear of something this big.

But I do want to tell her this:

The ocean terrifies me too.

But isn’t it beautiful? I think you’ll see this someday. And when you accept that the ocean is wild and huge, and there’s nothing you can do about that, you might find that it’s calming to watch the waves crash onto the shore from a safe spot further up the beach.

And maybe not today or this week or next year, but someday, you may want to step into this water despite your healthy fear of it. Someday you might want to know just how refreshing it feels to dive into the ocean. You might want to see the wonders of a coral reef through a snorkel mask. You might let go of your current need to control your surroundings and let this wild water push you around a little bit. You might even learn to harness it on a surfboard.

I know that you are a brave girl, whatever you think of the ocean. I’ve watched you climb to precarious perches on our furniture, in trees, and on the playground, but you are careful and calculating as you climb. You are in control of every single move. The ocean is too unpredictable. It doesn’t give you that control, and you can’t calculate the risks.

You may be more of a mountain girl than an ocean girl.

I know, because I am just like you, little girl. I’m afraid of the ocean, too. But I don’t want to let that stop me from experiencing the world.

(Also, there’s this: We have one of those Sleep Sheep that we turn on for white noise at bedtime. It has 4 options for sounds: ocean, rain, babbling brook, and creepy whale/alien songs. We’ve used the ocean option since Cee was a newborn, because I think it is the most calming of the 4. We brought sheepie with us to Hawaii, and on our trip and ever since, Cee has specifically requested the “up-high button” – the top one – at bedtime. That’s the babbling brook. No more ocean.)

Guest Post: A Parent’s Experience with Childhood Apraxia of Speech

     Lucky us, we have another guest post today! This comes at a good time for me, because Cee was sick and home from childcare for most of last week, which was coincidentally the first week of teaching this term for me. It’s incredible how much 4 days of a sick kid can set you back. I’m still catching up on my teaching responsibilities and book project schedule, so I’m happy to have a few stellar writers standing in for me on the blog this week.
     David Ozab is a local writer and father. We met last year at the only bakery in town that has both flaky croissants and a sandbox. A few months ago, I posted a review of a book about language development, Beyond Baby Talk. This caught David’s attention, because he has had a personal experience with his daughter’s language delay caused by Childhood Apraxia of Speech, a condition affecting somewhere between 1 and 10 kids per 1000. He is writing a book about it, and he shares some of his experience here for us.
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A Parent’s Experience with Childhood Apraxia of Speech

By David Ozab

“Don’t worry, she’ll catch up.”

I heard that sentence from so many parents around Anna’s second birthday. We were worried about her speech; she was talking all the time but we could barely understand her while kids her age and younger spoke clearly. “Don’t worry she’ll catch up,” people would say. I said the same thing to myself. I figured it would just happen. Her speech was like an out-of-focus photograph. Sooner or later, I thought, it would snap into focus.

My wife Julia wasn’t buying it. She thought something was wrong, and she was right.

We might have realized there was a problem sooner if she hadn’t talked at all, but she babbled constantly since she was a baby. She interacted with everyone around her, so we knew she wasn’t autistic. She understood everything we said, so we knew her language comprehension was fine. She even sight-read a handful of words. Granted, they were animal names and she didn’t say the names, she made the sounds. But she knew what the words were.

We would write on her Magnadoodle:

D-O-G

“Woof.”OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

C-A-T

“Meow.”

P-I-G

“oink.”

C-O-W

“Moo.”

F-R-O-G

“Ribbit.”

So we knew she was smart, but she wasn’t talking and she wasn’t catching up.

What we didn’t know was that Anna had something we never expected; something we’d never heard of. Continue reading

10 Tips for Transition to Child Care (From a mom who got it all wrong)

I’m excited to host a guest post by blogger Jessica Smock, an educator, mom, and almost-finished PhD student. Jessica has only been blogging at School of Smock since the new year, and she’s already turned out a ton of thought-provoking and informative posts about education and parenting. Today, she writes about her son’s transition to child care. It’s a sort of confession, because as you’ll learn, it didn’t go so well. The upshot is that she turned her experience into a useful guide for parents approaching this transition. Enjoy her post, and please feel free to add your own experiences and advice in the comments below.

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10 Tips for Transition to Child Care (From a mom who got it all wrong)

By Jessica Smock

I thought I had done my all of my homework, as a diligent parent, researcher and educator.

As a new parent, it can be a tough, long process finding the right child care for your child. You have to think about what your needs are: a small, intimate, home-like environment or a fully-accredited, educationally focused child care center; location (at home, close to home or work); your budget; your schedule… Next, you have to do your research, using friends, family, or a local or national referral agency, to identify providers that meet your needs and have openings. And then you should visit facilities and talk with the providers, asking them questions about their curriculum, sick child policy, discipline philosophy, caregiver experience and training, feeding and nap schedules. Finally, you sometimes just have to use your parental instincts, going with your gut about whether a provider will match your family’s parenting style and your kid’s temperament.

I had done all this before my son started a fantastic preschool program.  So why was my son’s transition to day care a complete disaster?boydaycare photo

My son had started off when he was six months old with a few different babysitters that came to my home a few times a week while I wrote and worked on my dissertation. He did well with this and loved playing with his young, energetic babysitters, but it wasn’t meeting my needs. I couldn’t concentrate in our small house with the constant chaos and noise that surrounds a baby. So I started looking into child care centers in my new city. I thought I was more than capable of doing this. I was a teacher and curriculum coordinator for more than a decade, with a Master’s and nearly a doctorate in the education field. I had worked as a research fellow for a social research nonprofit in Cambridge, where my major responsibility was helping to write a research report of high-performing child care facilities in Massachusetts. I had interviewed dozens of providers across the state and country, as well as state education heads and early childhood researchers from Harvard and other local universities, and helped to create a framework for evaluating child care providers.

I didn’t think at all about what happened after I chose the program. Continue reading

Does My Child Drink Too Much Milk?

glass of milk copyA couple of nights ago, I had the pleasure of going out for drinks with a couple of other moms, sans kids. Predictably, we ended up talking about our kids, among other things. One of my friends mentioned that her 2-year-old daughter is a big fan of cow’s milk, drinking about 3 cups per day. This reminded me of a study I’d gotten wind of earlier in the week that recommended kids drink only 2 cups of milk per day. Should my friend cut back on her daughter’s beverage of choice? I needed to look at the study more closely.

The study in question (The Relationship Between Cow’s Milk and Stores of Vitamin D and Iron in Early Childhood (1) – paywall) was conducted by a Toronto research group led by Jonathon Maguire and published on Monday in the journal Pediatrics.

The headlines about this study have made it sound like we now have the final word on just the right amount of cow’s milk for kids. The Atlantic posted a story with the headline “Kids Should Drink Exactly Two Cups of Milk per Day,” and others published similar statements. I will argue that it’s just not this simple, and prescriptive nutrition messages like these just end up confusing parents.

What is neat about this study is that it looked at two important nutrients for young kids: vitamin D and iron. Deficiency of both of these nutrients is common and cause for concern. Continue reading

Weaning My Toddler

So, I have some more big news to catch you up on. I weaned Cee a few weeks ago, soon after her second birthday. I took a few notes along the way, but I never pulled it together to post on the blog about it. I thought I’d share some of those notes here and reflect back on our experience.

Cee may be weaned, but she still nurses her own baby all the time.

Cee may be weaned, but she still nurses her own baby all the time.

11/24/12

Tonight, I nursed my baby girl for the last time. She’s not so much of a baby anymore. She turned two last week. But I savored the feeling of her curled into my arms. I noticed how her long eyelashes cast a shadow across her cheeks and how soft her face looked, the tension of the day melted away.

I remembered nursing her in those early days, when her eyelids were still translucent, tiny blood vessels visible. I remembered how she would be frantic to nurse one second and peaceful the next, her little hand clasped in a fist, resting on the top of my breast.

Cee and I started talking about weaning a few weeks ago. We usually read books while we nurse, and lately I’d noticed that she was so enthralled with the books that she could hardly nurse. I’d turn a page, and she would break her latch to look closer at a picture, pointing something out to me. We were going through the motions because we always had, but nursing didn’t feel that important to either of us anymore. It felt like it was time to make this change.

We had been down to nursing just at naptime and bedtime since the summer. We dropped the naptime feeding first. All fall, Cee had gone down just fine without me and my milk at daycare and with Husband, and there were only a couple of days of brief protest over this change.

Down to just nursing at bedtime, Cee and I talked about how Mama didn’t have very much milk anymore. We talked about how babies (like our friends’ 3-month-old) need a lot of milk, but kids like Cee eat lots of good food and can drink their milk in a cup. We talked about how we love snuggling and nursing, too. I guess I wanted a chance for us both to appreciate our final days of nursing.

A couple of days ago, Cee watched me as I undressed for a shower. She pointed at my naked breasts and said, “Milk?” Continue reading

Dear Cee: Celebrating the Two-Year-Old You

IMG_4158A much belated letter to Cee, in honor of her 2nd birthday. I swear I started this just a day or two after her birthday, but that was several weeks back. I’m just beginning to catch up on things as I’m winding down the college teaching term.

Dear Cee,

You are two. Can you believe it?

Of course you can. You are two, and you just are. You may not remember, as I do, what it was like when we met for the first time. (What’s funny to me, thinking back to that day, is that it seemed you already know me. It took me some time to get to know you.) You may not remember those early days of infancy, two years ago, when you and I both had to work hard just to communicate with each other, just to begin to speak the same language. You may not remember those days, but they are at the foundation of who you are and who we are together: mother and daughter.

I remember those days well. Thinking of them, I can’t help but be amazed at how much we’ve both grown. Your growth is obvious, mine subtler.

But I’m struggling with how to describe the changes in you, now that you are two. It is tempting to say something like, “You’re like a real person now!” or “Finally we can actually communicate.” But of course, you’ve been a real person from the start, and we’ve been communicating since then, too. That leaves me wondering: what is really significant about being two? Continue reading

Your Baby Talk Questions… Answered

beyond baby talkWe had just an incredible number of interesting questions about language development submitted on the Beyond Baby Talk post. I love how our kids make us so curious, how they compel us to think about things that we’ve probably taken for granted for most of our lives.

Congratulations to “Dukes Haven Homestead” on being the commenter chosen at random to win the giveaway of a copy of Beyond Baby Talk! I think she’ll find the chapter on siblings and birth order especially interesting, since she has a baby and a toddler to talk with now.

As promised, the authors of Beyond Baby Talk, Drs. Kenn Apel and Julie Masterson, took the time to answer a few of our readers’ questions. The rest of your questions certainly gave me some ideas for future blog posts, for that time in the near (truly!) future when I have time to research and write another post!

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Your Baby Talk Questions Answered

by Drs. Kenn Apel and Julie Masterson

What gets more bang for the buck– variety or repetition? Should I be singing the same songs over and over or always surprise my baby with new songs?

                                         ~ Tara Sutherland

They both get you bang! On the one hand, you get bang for your buck with some repetition in song, and in language that accompanies daily routines (using the same kind of phrases and routine language when engaged in bath time or changing time) because your baby begins to “catch on” when she hears the same words and phrases attached to the same contexts/movements/objects. On the other hand, variety is good because it allows your baby to experience different words and phrases that make up language. Continue reading